Q.) yo rat how come the management team of menace productions got no credit on the front page? thats so cold like i,m sure they never had to rinse puke off your, i,m not one to party ass!!!!!!!
A.) O.K. sonny slow down your getting incoherent. This is why I say people shouldn't drink and surf, if you are going to surf hammered stick to the porn sites. I first thought that Menace Productions were left off the front page because those morons huge egos took up all the server space needed to support this website. With further investigation and a quick call to Boston I found out there was a little bitterness between The Raid and Menace. Rumor has it that Barry and Rhino got into a bloody battle over a Chicken McNugget. Two people and a nine piece and you are going to have some trouble. Surprisingly Barry did get the last McNugget but not without a few bumps to his body and his pride. Being the sensitive rat I am and seeing Rhino always shared his Micky D's with me. I have hacked into this website and added the MENACE logo. If any of those metal freaks remove the logo I am Boston bound and fingernails will fly. Especially the Ponn kid I don't know why but I am still pissed at him.
Q.) Hey, is it true that a fan had to have some surgery because his brother and some of his so called friends tried to rip his underwear of off him while he was still wearing them after a B.F. raid birthday show ?
A.) First off don't address me as HEY! Secondly B.F. Raid didn't have fans, just a bunch of boneheads that needed a warm place to drink cheap beer. I remember an Atomic Wedgie that deprived Mac of his fruit of the looms. They were the nastiest draws I have ever seen. I don't know if the skids were from the wedgie or they existed before but it was a sight. I don't remember him getting surgery, but us rats aren't the most compassionate anyway. There were some trips to the hospital. Harry lived in a state of Hamburger from falling off his mountain bike, Steve Smith broke almost every bone on his left side one stupid accident at a time. I have personally seen Barry go up in flames 3 times his head twice. Rhino blew up his hand. Bruce put his head though his windshield on the way to Jumpin' Jack Flash to play a gig. It is a wonder none of them are dead or missing limbs.
Q.) Dear Eugene my Mom says B.F. Raid stole Victim from Van Halen but my Dad says they stole it from Ozzy who is right?
A.) Your Mom is a drunk slut and your Dad is a drunk freak, which is why you we're born with fetal alcohol syndrome and syphilis. I can't say many good things about that band but that song did rock. Van Halen or Ozzy would give blood to record that song. Maybe because the only music you are accustomed to hearing is your brother/uncle/grand dad picking banjo on the front porch. Loose the AM radio in your 72 Impala and buy a Compact Disc Player and I'll send you a CD then you can tell me. I thought Syphilis made you blind not deaf what the hell is wrong with your Mother anyway. Your Dad I forgive he's so drunk he couldn't tell the difference between Van Halen and Van Morrison or a woman and a sheep and that's how you were born afflicted (but that's something you should hear from your mom).
Q.) Dear Eugene: About your Photo of the Week: I thought it was "Judas" Priest NOT "Jewish" Priest. I'm confused.
A.) Your confused that's strange most of the people that email rodents are usually so focused. Believe it or not Michael is actually an actor in LA, you may remember him from such hits as Steven Segal's Out For Justice, Jean Claude Van Damme's Death Warrant and We're No Angels w/Robert Dinero and Sean Penn. That is a shot from the set of "We're No Angels". Later he was asked to star in a remake of "We're No Angels" called "We Know Anal" that he turned down for a part in Andrew Dice Clay's Ford Fairlane. I don't know if he's acting still but Michael was smart turning down "We Know Anal" that movie destroyed Corey Feldman's career.
Q.) dearest Eugene. I heard you cool dudes of b.f.raid once had a party and painted the guitarists chest a brite yellow and orange(detour sign)color. the poor boy didnt even know it(because of all that pabst blue ribbon)till he woke up. I heard it took a lot of scrubing and something to do with a jar of vasiline to get it off. Is this true?
A.) Before I answer you let's get this straight first off "DON'T CALL ME DEAREST" o.k. spaz and secondly "you cool dudes"? don't include me with those retards. I'm a rat, I was in a cage. Don't you think if I could have gotten away from those dweebs I would have? That's why I'm in Mexico now, I don't even want to be in the same country as those musically inept freaks. Elvis, Jim and Tupac are no picnic but it's a hell of a lot better than hearing Victim 43 times a day. But to answer your question there was much body painting in those days I remember Steve Smith painting Bruce orange after Bruce had a Tequila drinking contest with Mike and then Mike painted the interior of his own Trans Am with his vomit a few minutes later. They were real tough guys back then. I know for a fact Bruce's girlfriend cleaned him up and put him to bed. I think Rhino got the honor of dealing with Mike. They didn't quit after that. Some groupies painted Harry's face like a Barbie doll another night, 6'4" looking like Rocky Horror with a bad hangover when he woke up. I can remember a few foreheads bearing phrases of all sorts. If you passed out around those guys anything could happen. As far as Vaseline goes I only know of one tale, you would have to ask the 'Greek" guy in the band about that.
Q.) Dear Eugene, I would like to know if you seen the drummer puke on his set during practice or a gig.
A.) I knew this would come up, no pun intended. I have seen every single one of the band, crew and friends do the "Technicolor Yawn" at one time or another. But Barry was the only one that I can remember "Spewing" on his instrument. He never did it at practice only at gigs. Usually if someone was to "Ralph" they would wait until they got off stage. In his defense he never missed a beat and finished the set. The funny thing about watching a drummer "Having seconds for supper" is it sprays all over the drum kit. Therefore every time they hit a drum it sprays in their face. Probally the best barfer in BF History was Kelly Simpson he could puke and walk at the same time never slowing down. The best projectile puking I can remember was Bruce projectile puking on Lenny, his brother Mark and his sister Tammy on the way to see R.E.O. Speedwagon. I think it was Heineken and Ziti, he then puked on another woman inside the Centrum. Usually if someone had to "Pray to the porcelain goddess" they would do it in the Pit. Yet another one of the Pit's charming features.
Q.) I keep seeing references to the Band Jesse's Girl can you tell me more about them. Are there any photos? Did B.F. Raid have any other side projects?
A.) I was sworn to secrecy about Jesse's Girl but that bastard Lenny was at my graveside eating Burger King, talk about disrespect! So I owe those guys jack. When cash got scarce around '83 the boys formed a Rick Springfield cover band "Jesse's Girl". They tried other projects like The Scumbags but Jesse's Girl was the only moneymaker. They would do two sets of Springfield songs every Tuesday night at the northshore venue The Vogue (also known as the wrinkle room). The big difference between Jesse's Girl and B.F. Raid was Barry did the vocals and keyboards and Billy played the drums. That's why you see the picture of Barry playing keyboards, but there were no keys in B.F. Raid music. If you need more proof, they would also wear flowered shirts when they performed as Jesse's Girl hence the picture of Lenny wearing the flowered shirt. They tried a few more cover bands after that "Shakin" a Eddie Money act, "Purple Rain" a Prince coverband not one of Bruce's better ideas and "Hi Infidelity" a REO Speedwagon cover band with Lenny playing guitar and copying the vocal styling of Kevin Cronin.
Q.) Dear Eugene, I have noticed that there is Italian Dressing, Greek Dressing, French Dressing even dressing for the people on 1000 Islands where ever the hell that is. My question is why is there no Black Dressing?
A.) Obviously you're not too bright! There is "Black Dressing" Balsamic Vinaigrette. But if what you mean is African Americans, They don't need a salad dressing they put hot sauce on everything.
"READERS REBUTAL" Dear Eugene, If I may, I'd like to respond to another reader's question. The REAL reason there is no Black Dressing is the same reason there is no Irish Dressing: Colt 45 doesn't mix with vinegar any better than Guinness does.
Q.)Dear Eugene, First, let me say that I'm happy to hear that you're alive and well. I was under the impression that you had gone to the "Great Habitrail in the Sky" many years ago. What happened? Your surprising reappearance has generated many theories and some questions as to your whereabouts in past years. Following are a few of these questions: 1. Were you in the Federal Rodent Protection Program?
2. Were you in a chemically induced stasis? 3. Rehab? And some questions on one of the more popular theories: Were you cryogenically frozen by the band? If so, who brought you back? Is it true that the band was active in early cryogenic experiments involving cats? Eugene, if it won't compromise National Security, please answer these questions. -Dying to know
A.) After the band put me on the cover of their Demo I became more popular than the band themselves, not a hard achievement. I decided to live a "normal" life I would have to fake my death. After my service at Pine Banks I burrowed out of the hole and thumbed to Mexico. I'm now hanging out with Elvis, Jim Morrison and Tupac we have this Macavellian community. No I have no FBI or rehab story to tell. But the cryogenically preserved cat! Holy Shit! I hate cats and even I thought that was sick. In the "Take A Studio Tour with Lenny" page it mentions that if you looked in the freezer of the band's fridge you were taking chances. I think that cat was in the freezer for a week. And I remember a squirrel doing time in that freezer also. If they even dreamed of putting me in there I would have ripped their jugulars. But in all fairness to the band they were animal lovers just a bit twisted. They did keep a human in the fridge for a while also.
Q.)Dear Eugene. I hear you have a taste for human fingers. Is this true? And also had to cohabitate with a rhino. Is this true? I was at a channel gig but couldn't hear the music over all the shouts "I'm so
cute, I'm so cute!" Whatever happened to the scumbags? - Um.
A.) Damm you ask a lot of friggin' questions. No I never had a taste for human fingers. I have a taste for human blood it just seems that the fingers would enter the cage first. Cohabitate with a Rhino? Not quite he was never home so I pretty much had the run of the place myself. When he was there he was always good for a salty MacDonald's french fry or two. He wasn't a real Rhino but he could smell like one time to time. The I'm so cute episode! HA! Glad you mentioned that. That was payback for for Lenny's HUGE ego. Not much would make a rat sick but that kids ego would make me want to puke. Lenny is the reason for my taste for human blood. After the audience yelled out I'm so cute over and over, his ego did come down a notch. But I still wanted to rip a fingernail off that punk. The Scumbags have disbanded due to creative differences. I heard the guitarist wanted to use the word whore in a song, the bassist thought slut fit better a huge fight broke out, it was terrible. They are now playing with members of the band "Jesse's Girl"
Q.) Dear Eugene, What ever happened to Al Brown? Scott Trickett? or Bob Villemuere? I think I saw them all on the "Boston Episodes" of COPS. Curious
A.) What do you think I'm one of Dione Warwicks psychic friends. I don't think you saw any of them on COPS. But I remember the Brown kid he was strange. Believe it or not I heard rumor that he holds public office somewhere in Utah and he's working as a Minister. If you saw Bob Villemuere on COPS he was probally being arrested for improper use of feedback. Now Scott Tricket there is a name I remember yet another fingernail candidate like the Ponn kid. With that retarded mustache of his you would expect he's doing porno. If you were looking for him the best place would be the Mullets website (take a look you might find Tricket). The only person you may have seen on COPS would be Barry. He snapped after Kenny Gesualdo wouldn't stop doing an imitation of that annoying What's Sup Bud commercial. Can't blame him. If you see the episode it's great he's wearing one of those trailer park white tee shirts with a stain on it and he has a Papst Blue Ribbon in his hand screaming at the cops telling them to get off his property.
Q.) Dear Eugene, I noticed in the take a studio tour with Lenny section it is mentioned that some people feel into the pit. How deep was it and who feel in. Was it a bottomless pit?
A.) A Bottomless pit? If making the web easier to get on was one of Microsoft's goals they are all set. I can't believe there are so many retards in cyberspace. First off I would love to tell you who I have seen fall into The Pit, but I don't want to embarrass anyone over the Internet. But what I can tell you the deeper The Pit got the ruder the fluids in it got. Once I did see a girl (who will remain nameless) fall in but regained her balance to land up to her knees in swill. Only once did I see someone take the full swim of death thinking they could navigate The Pit area in the dark. Magellan walked directly into the "Lake Of Funk", and then walked directly home for a hot shower and a change of clothes. Can't tell you who but it was a band member.
Q.) Dear Eugene, Just who is that bald black guy in the photo section? The only other black guy in the photos has an afro! Is this the same guy? Did he just get old? And bald? And fat? Signed, a baffled groupie
A.)Yes sad to say that is my buddy Bruce. Time has been a cruel mistress for him. But I bet you haven't aged a day in the past 15 or so years. So you were a groupie? I remember the band having sweet girlfriends, but the groupies were real trash. I would guess your some aging barfly now. Playing Keno and drinking draft beer all day with a generic menthol constantly hanging out of your mouth. Send in a before and after picture we would love to see what time has done to a woman that was once passed around like a quart of warm malt liquor by our roadies.
Q.) Dear Eugene, Just ask your buddy Bruce what I look like! He picked me up after he
finished singing Kareoke at some Chinese dive in Malden. He had been bummin' my menthols and puttin' his draft beer on my tab all night long, so I guess he thought he should pay me back with a quick roll...he owes me change. Signed, A disappointed groupie
A.) Your disappointed! I can't imagine a musical genius like Bruce singing Karaoke. But there are holes in your story. You asked me if that was Bruce in the picture now you claim you spent time with him, sounds like you live in a fantasy world. As I said I haven't seen the guys in years but I do remember Bruce having a passion for Maraboro cigarettes not menthol. And finally Bruce can't sing so it surely wasn't him. I think you was duped by a Bruce imitator. You were probably so blind on dollar drafts, Prozac and the plastic half pint of vodka you keep in your purse, you left with the waiter from the fore mentioned restaurant. Sounds like the only roll your going to get is a Egg Roll, try to sober up honey. I'm still waiting for that picture.
Q.) Dear Eugene, My dad told me that we are the chosen people. But everyday at recess I'm picked last for kickball, no one wants to choose me. When I tried to explain to the other kids that I was one of God's chosen people and I should be picked first, it just prompted a brutal ass whippin'. What should I do?
A.) Obviously it has nothing to do with being one of "God's chosen people" the fact is you probably suck at kickball. If you were good I'm sure you would be picked first. If your school has a Dragons and Dungeons club join it, if they don't start one.
Q.) Dear Eugene,
I don't understand how 4 semi-retarded people could form a band so i need to know the following:
1) what is the band doing today and
2) is there any possibility of the band getting together in the future to come or our they completly brain dead.
A.) Your no Ralph Waldo Emerson are you? First of all before you call someone retarded, make sure you are doing it with grammatically correct sentences. You might want to spell "completely" correctly and capitalize your "I". To get back to your question Einstein the bassist for B.F.Raid lives in another part of the country so it is very doubtful that B.F.Raid will ever get back together. But if they do, I doubt they will be calling you to write their liner notes "in the future to come". As far as the members being brain dead I wouldn't know we haven't spoken in years. You my friend from what I can tell by your sentence structure are brain dead and probably have a double digit IQ. When it gets to 50 sell. I'm a rat and I even have better grammar than you do. I have been through mazes in seconds that would baffle your tiny mind for weeks. As far as how did they get together? Go to the History page you dunce.
Q.) The history section of the website indicates the monthly rental expense for the studio space was $100. However, there is no mention of the cost of the bands hair care products, which, judging from the picture on the home page, was obviously the bands biggest expense. Care to detail how the band made ends meet, and if any electronic equipment needed to be hocked in order to keep Vidal Sassoon in business?
A.) You have struck upon a sad note in B.F.Raid history. Not only did Bruce's passion for Afro Sheen products nearly bankrupt the band. His hair caused a grease fire from the stage lights, similar to what happened to Michael Jackson in the 80's. Even worst his hair would drip gerry curl juice that would make for slippery and dangerous conditions on stage. If you look closely at the nest of hair on Barry's head it's dry haylike consistency was also know to ignite from time to time. Moisturizes to keeps Barry's hair from combusting ran in the thousands. Lenny and Billy had naturally curly hair that needed little help from outside products. But being a young band with few funds B.F.Raid had one blowdryer. Their were many battles between Lenny and Bill for the control of that blowdryer and yes sometimes it would result in a bare knuckle street fight. A second blowdryer had to be purchased. To keep the band solvent (no pun intended) and to offset haircare expences, they worked under a assumed name as a Rick Springfield cover band known as "Jeese's Girl", but that's another story.
